Eating in Hong Kong

The various kinds of food served in restaurants; from high class 5 star hotels to fast food café can all be so delicious and so imaginative. That is one of the things about HK that makes this such a “happening” city. I had such a blast enjoying a delicious “5 star” rating private French cuisine meal where the food and presentation of the dishes are superb. The goose liver was just fried to perfection, the stuffed chicken was so artistically cooked with the prawn, and the presentation of the desserts and humongous bright red strawberry dipped in chocolate sauce made the meal absolutely filling! Over glasses of red and white wine and super conversations with friends, it was an amazing meal.

Sauntering over to Shangri-la, I could enjoy a 5 star sumptuous buffet filled with sashimi, smoked salmon, and a huge array of dessert. The services, environment, and food are so delicious you would not be able to leave without a huge belly weighing you down. For an expensive glass of Margarita and a delicious hard-to-resist Tiramisu at the InterContinental Hotel, the entire Victoria Harbor is placed right in front of you. With live jazz and piano playing, there is nowhere better to spend an evening of conversation.

For $15, I could enjoy a tasty beef rice bowl from Yoshinoya, adding a couple extra dollars, I bought myself a chilling matcha red bean drink. Then for less than $50, I got myself a sizzling hot plate meal that include ½ a Brazilian chicken, baked potatoes, mushroom soup, and a banana split for dessert.

Eating in HK always wowed me and filled me with wonder. With an ever-changing menu and different restaurants with different themes and fusion of foods cooked, one could always expect to encounter a delicious eating experience around the corner!

Religions

Today, I watched a sobem production of the destruction of the financial centre during 9/11, and how a Christian family has to cope with a deceased loved one, and unable to find the body in the destruction. I witnessed their difficulties to cope because they are unable to recover the body, so it’s difficult to put a period, or to have a “finality” feel about the ending of this life; yet the family is comforted by the thought that their loved one is waiting for them in heaven.

From this production, I started thinking about the various religions in the world, and remember an episode of the Chinese version of “deal or no deal” that recently aired. The player works in the funeral field, acting as one of those masters that perform Buddhist rites during the funeral service. When I watched him in the episode, I was so uncomfortable because he sends off signal of lies and untruths, it seems to me it’s a technique to pull in business, yet at the same time, he dug his own grave. Let me elaborate… He was to pick a box in the beginning that might very well contain the $3 million #1 prize, and he said his friend has done various “feng shui” math and decided number X is the right box for him. The host then said, “What if this is not the $3 million box, are you saying then your calculation is wrong”? He then replied, “This is not my calculation, it’s my friend’s, my business won’t be affected”. It turned out to be a box containing $100, so no, those feng shui calculations are not true. Then he started talking about his business, how different charges are offered to family based on how “wealthy” or “willing” the family will spend on the deceased. He pretty much implied that the more money you spend hiring a huge number of monks for the ritual, the more “goodness” your family will get, and I was just beyond flabbergasted at his ridiculousness. The burning of paper goods for the deceased, sigh, business venture manipulation. I remembered reading this book that said something along the line that the paper industry back in the days is so not profitable, the owner decided to fake his own death and have his wife burn him paper goods, then he popped out of the coffin insisting he has returned from the dead because people in hell are so impressed with all his riches they decided to let him live longer. Then he said when your loved ones die, if you burn him all these paper goods, it will be easier for them as they journey in the underworld. Now, I don’t know how credible my book is, but whenever I walk by those paper good stores selling incense and various paper computer, paper ipod, paper clothes, I just feel like they are insulting the Buddhist religion.

This brings me back to 9/11 and the terrorists…they are in fact ruining the Islam faith. I am not familiar with this religion, but when the terrorists are hiding behind this mask of devoted faith, it too, is in fact insulting the Islam religion. I am scared of terrorists, appalled by how little they value human lives; however, I also wonder why these terrorists are on a mission to destroy and demolish Western ideals. Before George Bush hurl armies into the Middle East and hide under the pretense of fighting against terrorism, he too, should question why terrorists are attacking the USA. If the USA is not an aggressor, trying to dominate everyone, trying to take oil from other countries and ignite dissatisfaction everywhere, perhaps the “terrorist” trend would not arise. Today, I learned that before we start blaming other people for the things that have happened, perhaps we should look back on our own actions, to reflect on what we have done.

I carry this burden with me, two people I just seem unable to forgive, no matter how many times I tell myself to let go. I try, when I cannot, I just bury it back inside and move on, to forget it for the time being. I understand that when you are able to let go, you become free, but it is so difficult, everytime I remember the pain and the anger, I just cannot say I have forgiven. Anger is such an evil, I remember someone saying that to truly forgive is a saintly act. Could I achieve this? "To think bad thoughts is the easiest thing in the world. If you leave your mind to itself it will spiral you down into ever-increasing unhappiness. To think good thoughts, however, requires effort". -James Clavell, Shogun

The Feeling of Contentment

On Friday and Saturday, I spent the days with my 2 cousins, my aunt, and my uncle; I felt so enveloped in the “family feeling” that I haven’t feel for quite sometime, and it was wonderful. Spending the hot afternoon walking around Yuen Long as my aunt and uncle tell me potential developments and the congested streets, I felt really cared for. When we all head over to Sorrento, I had such a wonderful day with them. Seeing my cousins played with Pretzel and listening to my auntie talking about shopping with my mom around Mongkok when they were young, I could see my mom all giddy and excited about buying new clothes in my mind. As we poured over pictures of when I was young and with my parents, those special sharing moments are just so precious. It felt and seemed so natural seeing my aunt pouring over my set of cooking books left behind by my mom, my uncle watching his sons playing with Pretzel, and we all think about of how we could bring the huge pot of food to my grandma’s place for the Mid-autumn festival. These natural feelings of togetherness, feeling totally at ease, definitely valuable. Taking Pretzel for his evening walk across the Waterfront Promenade was so fun as we all take turn holding Pretzel’s leash and giggled and screamed while he socialized with other dogs and snapping up pictures around the promenade under the setting of dawn.

When I returned to Yuen Long to clock customers at McCafe, I returned to my Aunt’s place afterwards, and I spend a bit of time playing Big 2 with my 2 cousins and my aunt. Something so simple could give me so much contentment. As we all sat around my cousins’ bed, shuffling the cards and strategizing, I was in a room filled with laughter and giggling, where little jokes and silly TV lines are spoken, and we all laughed and poured over straights and flushes.

I dedicate this piece of blog to my 2 cousins, aunt, and uncle; pure happiness and bliss, I found in the simplest gathering and bonding of people, doing the simplest, everyday thing, like taking an evening walk, or playing a hand of cards.

prayer

Lord, when my soul is weary
and my heart is tired and sore,
and I have that failing feeling
that I can't take it any more;
then let me know the freshening
found in simple, childlike prayer,
when the kneeling soul knows surely
that a listening Lord is there
~Ruth Bell Graham~

Random Doodles

Inspirational Quote: "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. Our careful routine may be dramatically changed by events out of our hands. Or we take a risk and change our lives around. We can’t really know what tomorrow brings. There is something new around the corner to be discovered. This uncertainty is part of the thrill of being alive."

Random Worrying Thoughts: Nervous about my grandpa's tumor operation, but confident he will be OK, we're all fighters. Concerned about the stock market, bitter about the US stock market, see it as the fall of all markets, damn it. Don't like American political policies, the catalysts to world unrest and wars; Americans are hiding behind the mask of freedom and independence while trying to invade and dominate other nations.

Addictions: I am addicted to coffee, to the stock market, to the thrill of the movements of the market but bitter when it falls. I am addicted to massages even though I am not sure if I do indeed feel more relaxed afterwards. I am addicted to the TV and it's feeding me propaganda.

What I am thankful for: The wonders of live, of experiencing life, of feeling the wonder of life and having emotions. Thankful for the people around me, the little things your friends and people around you do to make your life easier. Thankful for the job I have and for the way of life my parents could provide me with. Thankful for my connection and relationship with God, he makes me more rooted and comforted in my midst of worries and unsettled thoughts. Thankful for my dog, he's there with me when I am feeling alone or needed something fluffy to hold. Thankful for the person I have become and want to continue becoming a better person, someone everyone is proud of, and a person that is grounded with compassion and empathy and understand there are so much in the world to be experienced and not be polluted by the materialistic society and its temptations.

What I love: I love sitting at home at night watching TV, I love making my cup of latte every morning, I love the McDonald's commercials, I love hearing stories/achievements made by others that make me feel very inspired or just all fuzzy inside. I love seeing Pretzel bite his little plastic bone, I love having dinner or drinks with people for a night of great conversations. I love the rush of buying cheap things and the thrill of receiving useful freebies. I love listening to funny stories and walking Pretzel to see the night view of HK. I love getting letters that are not bills and eating all the fine cuisine offered in HK. I love wearing stilettos minus the pain. Oh, i just put myself into a positive mood, life is GOOOOOOOOD

The end of today's random thoughts as I wait for my mask to dry, heeeeeeees

What POWER color are you?

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?"

What's" Your Power Color?

I am impressed how this little test could summarize me so well. For the "eternal question" part, I do tend to want more, add more....though I do continually remind myself to be happy with what I have. I acknowledge I am happy with what God has given me, but in the back of my mind, a little voice might be telling me to aim for some materialistic item, or status, or prestige...GREED is popping up in my mind. Be thankful for what you have, and to the larger extent, I believe I am thankful because if the genie pops up before me right now and said he would grant me 3 wishes...aside asking for a husband of my dreams, there REALLY is nothing else, lol.

In other's eyes, I am...

Every time I watched “Healing Hands”, I always received something from this Chinese Medical Series. Somehow, it always imparts some new emotions/different way of thinking or acceptance of life within me. This time around, as I continue watching the series, it makes me relive everything that happened within my family and appreciate life again at another level. In every parent’s eyes, their children are always young, rather we are 20, 30, or 40, in our parents’ eyes, they remember us when we first started walking, when we first started talking, or when we first started attending preschool.

Before turning 18, I don’t really quite know what “death” is, I know the word, I know what happens when someone dies, but it seems foreign to me in the sense that I never truly experienced it. No-one from my immediate circle has died, thus during my childhood, I have never been exposed to the reality of death or what effects death could bring to everyone. Growing up in this sheltered environment, in my father’s eyes, I am forever young, someone that is too young to understand, or too young to deal with the harsh reality of life. At the odd age of 18, when I am already an adult, when I am supposed to know “everything”, I really know nothing! I don’t even remember how I learned my sister has cancer, all I remembered was my whole family waiting in this playing room in the oncology ward, and at that time, I don’t even know what the word “oncology” means. I just remembered sitting around waiting as my little sister did a biopsy, now, I realized I didn’t even know the results. The next thing I remembered was we were ushered into this room waiting for her to come out from the Anastasia. However, I believe the harsh reality of life forces my dad to tell me things that he too, is foreign with. I think what is foreign to him is the fact that he has to tell me something so important, yet no way of escaping or beautifying it for me. Looking back, it was probably very very difficult for him to tell me, probably because he never told me anything serious before anyways, and probably because he has to contain his emotions the entire time. I remembered him driving me to Children Hospital to visit my sister, which took around 40 min from our place; only around 5 min. before we arrived, did he say to me that he’ll be going to HK soon. “Why”, I asked, and I think all he said to me was he has cancer, so he needs to get an operation in HK, and I need to stay here with my mom and help her as my sister recovers. Since my sister seems fine, I didn’t think what my dad would go through would be anything different. “Why can’t you do it here”, I asked, the response, “because it would be faster in HK”. Only later, when I hopped onto the plane to visit my dad in HK after the first semester at university did I find out the reason he operates in HK was because the tumor was so large that doctors in Canada were scared.

Even with my dad lying in the hospital bed, I still did not comprehend the dire situation, though, I did detect something just didn’t seem right. “Why did you want me to fly to HK to see you dad?”. Even at that point, I am just a little child to my dad, a sheltered and fragile thing that just could not be shattered of its innocence. “You are on vacation, why can’t you just come visit me? Your shoes are too high, take some money and buy a pair of runners.” “Can I have some money to buy a watch, mine is broken”. What my dad said, “Take some more, go buy a nice watch.” Then, I remembered this one afternoon when my dad told me to go downstairs to buy some grapes, and I slowly walked with him out to the hallway armchairs, and I peeled grapes for him to eat. “Do I look really yellow and bloated in the stomach?” He asked me, and yea, my dad looks quite sick to me, but I said, “You look better than before, I think you’re dong better today”. Silence. Then my dad said “When you buy stocks later, buy longer term stocks with growth potential, like coco-cola. You need to be strong, you need to take care of your mother and sisters if I am not here”. Looking down, not knowing what else to say, I said “Ok”, and my dad said, “OK, I think the patient in the next bed has finished undressing, let’s go back”.

In my eyes, my sister is the little baby that just doesn’t grow up. I still remember the day my mother proudly brings her home into her baby crib. I remembered poking her and making stupid faces to make her giggle and laugh. I remembered everyone saying how this little baby has such humongous eyes, and when she grows up, she will turn into this really really beautiful girl. So at 17, I felt she was too young to understand, reality is too cruel, bad news aren’t any fun. I kept telling her to keep going, to not give up, to believe in miracles. My saying back then, “only if you believe that miracles happen, will they happen to you”. I kept pounding these messages into her, and she truly is the most courageous little thing I have met. In my mother’s eyes, she is this golden little apple, because she has the ability to make people laugh and the room just lit up because of her presence. She has fine-tuned the skills of making people laugh and remember her, so when fate brings in the horrible reality of death and strike a second time, I don’t want it to happen again. I felt very close to my sister, we walked every step of the way as we battle her cancer, we just can’t lose, I can’t, I won’t lose, I have to win this, this is important. I grasped on and on, when doctors in Vancouver can’t stop the metastasis, we’ve to leave; we haven’t truly tried authentic Chinese medicine yet. We have to move to Guangzhou, the best Chinese doctor in China lives there, he could help us, it would be fine. Major culture shock, living in Guangzhou is no fun, everyone is miserable, there is nothing to do. That’s ok, we live just down the block from the doctor, we could win the disease, you will get better. In 3 months, because of massive internal bleeding, we exited Guangzhou via ambulance and zoomed straight to QM Hospital in HK. Keep fighting, it would be ok, we’ll get Prof Feng, he’s the best liver cancer doctor in Asia, and one of the top ranking ones in the world, it would be fine. Through ulcers and internal bleeding, I asked my sister, “Are you afraid of dying?”. “No, I saw daddy in my dreams the other night. He told me to go to him, I started crying and said no”. “I wanted to go back to Vancouver.” I said to my sister, “You can’t yet, HK is not so bad, if we fly home, the doctors from Children’s Hospital can’t help you. What if you started bleeding again, the doctors in Canada can’t react as fast as the ones in HK. You be good, I’ll bring you what you want to eat tomorrow”. “I want to eat chips”. “You can’t, if you eat something like that, you might start to bleed again”. “I want to eat chips”. My mom went down to 7-11 and gave her some secretly. I understand now, you’ve to grant someone’s final wishes.

In my mother’s eyes, I am strong, I am independent, I can take care of my other sister. My mother cannot let go of my sister’s death. I couldn’t either, if my daughter was in a coma, and woke up from the coma, for just one day before falling back into the coma again. And the day my daughter woke up from the coma to talk to me was Mother’s Day. So my mother decided she wanted to be with my dad and my sister, because I could handle it on my own, I would not abandon my other sister, I could take care of her too. My mother was just as sheltered and protected as I was. After marrying my dad, she became a housewife, dedicated all her time to the family and her daughters, so how could she handle blow after blow? My mother tried, very hard, to pull herself together after my sister was gone, but life has lost its meanings. When she left me alone in this world, I was beyond sad, I asked why, how could she just leave me like this? Behind the sadness was the anger, how could she make me deal with this again? Strike 3 in my life, I am exhausted; I need this to be over. Looking at my mom’s passing one year later, she needs to know that I am very proud of her, she was a supermom. She did so much others can’t do, and she stood up and was very strong. No mom, you were never a burden, when you choose to go to heaven to join my dad and sister, I see you guys smiling at me in my dreams.

In my own eyes, I often feel like the weeds that grow wildly in gardens; no matter how much you pull it or weed it out, it will stand up again, it will continue to live through the harshest of circumstances and conditions. I don’t dwell in my past, I acknowledge experiences mould me into who I am, but I would not dig a hole and live in misery. "Only when I’m brave enough to look into the past will there be a future". I want to be strong, and I want to live my life, make something for myself. I don’t live with my sister, she’s in Vancouver, but we are closer than we ever were. Perhaps it is this distance or the fact we are not seeing each other everyday that make us value each other more. Standing one year after all that has happened at home, I am stronger emotionally. I could talk more easily about what happened, I could share more openly. Not a day goes by that I do not think about my dad, my mom, or my sister in heaven, and even though they are not physically with me, they continue to teach me things everyday. I continue to have this desire to achieve and do things to make them proud, and when I do something I feel is bad, I feel shitty and scared that I would get into trouble when I get home. Then I would shrug and go, “What the heck, there is no one to yell at me”. In my dad’s eyes, I am a little girl that never grows up, that needs to be protected from the brutal facts of life. In my youngest sister’s life, I am an annoying older sister that just won’t listen, it’s not fair! In my mother’s eye, I could take care of myself; I am strong enough to withstand anything. In my other sister’s eyes, I have changed from telling her what to do and walked away yelling to someone she could call when she couldn’t fall asleep. What am I in your eyes?